I’ve been debating in my mind how, or if to make this blog entry. I’ve been debating it for the last 96 hours. I’ve had several different drafts all with different endings. Luckily the ending we get is a happy one.

Last Thursday was World AIDS Day. Last Thursday, being World AIDS Day, free HIV rapid testing was available on the ASU campus. Last Thursday I took advantage of the free HIV rapid testing. Last Thursday my HIV test came up positive.

Words cannot describe what went through my mind.

I am thankful that I was not alone – one of my fraternity brothers was with me when I got the results – and were it not for him I’m not sure what I would have done. But he was there to support me and let me lean on him. On his advise we immediately went to the ASU Student Health Services building and scheduled an appointment for a blood test to either confirm or refute the results of the oral swab test. Scheduling the doctor appointment was a drama filled fiasco all on its own, but more on that later.

Friday afternoon I had my blood drawn for a full screening for anything that shouldn’t be there. The doctor told me that normally they would get results for me the next day, but since it was Friday she wouldn’t be able to tell me anything until Monday. She tried to console me by telling me not to worry about it or dwell on it until I had conclusive results. Yeah right.

Fortunately for me this weekend was the Sigma Phi Beta fall retreat. I had no choice but to be surrounded by people who care about me. I couldn’t go into hide mode and hole up in my apartment all weekend and feel bad for myself or hate on myself or fill my heart with regret. Which was exactly what I would have done.

Monday at approximately 12:40 pm my doctor called me. To confirm she was talking to the right person, she asked why I had come in for the blood test – so I told her it was because I had taken the rapid test and the results came up as positive. She responded with “Ok, that’s what I thought you’d said. I have the results from your blood test, and I am quite happy to report to you that you screened negative for the presence of HIV antibodies.” I think I had her repeat that 3 or 4 times. I’ve never been so happy to fail a test re-take in my entire life. I had to sit down because I was feeling a little light headed.

I still didn’t believe her until I actually went to the clinic and got the piece of paper that had the results printed on it. (Incidentally, I don’t have syphilis either!) So I feel like I have a new chance at things. This was one of the scariest things I’ve ever have happen to me. And I’ve had lots of scary things happen to me. One thing is for certain – I’m not placing myself in a position that I’d need to worry about these things ever again. Playing out the various conversations that I was going to have to have with so many different people.. Who to tell.. When to tell..

One thing I know for certain though – I know that whatever happens to me I have a wonderful support system with all my fraternity brothers and friends. The few people I talked to about my predicament (while I was between tests) were super supportive and very non-judgmental.

I promise to everyone that I will never again put myself in a situation where this is an issue. I’ve learned my lesson. Now on to the next chapter…