There are 500 days until I turn 30.

I was busy cleaning and arranging my apartment (I’m always cleaning because I’m always messing up) and I started to get this very weird feeling like something truly evil was looking at me. I couldn’t place it for the longest time but then I realized what it was: This months GQ cover has Tom Cruise on it. I tore the cover off and tossed it in the trash and an immediate sense of calm came over me.

MINI Troubles

So today I woke up about 11am and decided that I wanted a nice cup of coffee. Rather than doing my normal routine and going to starbucks I decided to go to Dunkin Donuts. I bought my coffee and headed out to my car thinking that today would be such a nice and lovely day. But then the car decided not to start. No worries thought I, MINI’s always start the second time. Right?

Well I cranked it a few times and it kept making funny noises and the needles on the speedometer wiggled rapidly and all kinds of weird things happened. Each time it was different.. I thought.. OK.. this is fucked.. I’ll just go inside, sip on my coffee for a while and let the poltergeist find his way out of my car.

Did.

Not.

Happen.

That.

Way.

After my lovely coffee I dug through my car and decided to call MINI roadside assistance thinking maybe they could offer some help, and perhaps jump start my car for me. I told the lovely young woman that handled my call what my situation was and gave her my information.. she asked me to hold and after about 30 seconds or so came back on the line and informed me that since my MINI was no longer under warranty any roadside assistance would cost money. Damnit.. car won’t start and its out of warranty. This $ound$ like it is going to cost me some money. I decline her offer because why pay $80 to have AAA come jump your car when you can call a fraternity brother, wake them up and have them come jump you for free??

So then I call Jeremy because a) his boyfriend has a car and jumper cables and would be awake; and b) because I knew Jeremy would be asleep and since it was 11:30am at this point it would be good for him to wake up. Well he didn’t answer his phone. (Here is where I make my I’m Surprised face) So I called my girl Tranny and she answered.. and I eventually was able to convey to her what was going on and zhe lovingly came and tried to jump my car for me. I prayed that it would work, since it is really embarrassing to be jumping my cute little German engineered MINI in front of a Dunkin fucking Donuts.

Did.

Not.

Happen.

That.

Way.

So I’m really confused at this point - its not starting so is it something worse than the battery?!?! I locked it up (it had enough electricity to run some things, just not enough to actually start…) and hopped in Steven’s car and he gave me a lift home. I get on the phone with MINI of North Scottsdale and speak with a MINI service advisor… I relate my tale to him and he says it is probably just a battery but that most non-OEM batteries don’t quite fit in the MINI and could cause problems. They would be more than happy to do it for me, or I could come up and buy one from them and install it myself. Cost: $120 for the battery, or $250 installed. Holy Shit.

So I ponder the options, bite the bullet, and make the call to have the MINI towed. I figure with my luck, if I convinced someone to drive me to the dealership so I can buy a battery and install it myself I’ll either fuck something up or it won’t be the battery and I’ll just have to get it towed anyway and will be 3-4 hours later in the day to get anything done with, stranding me in North Scottsdale. So Jeremy and That Man were nice enough to give me a ride up to Ye Olde Dunkin’ Donuts so that I didn’t have to ride my bike, and I get the car towed. The ride up to the dealership was fairly pleasant and the tow-truck driver and I talked about cars and manly stuff the whole way up. I felt really butch (excepting the fact that I was having my car towed to get a new battery.. le sigh). He even knocked off mileage and a few other things to reduce my tow cost - and I didn’t even have to give him road head! (Not that I would have minded.. he was pretty cute and totally the type I like!)

Once in the dealership I chatted with my MINI Service Advisor (oh my, he’s cute too!) and told him that I’d go on the safe side and just have it towed and let them fiddle with it to make it go vroom again. I was told that it would be about an hour and he led me into the customer lounge area - where it was tuned to MSNBC and some weird call-in show.. After about 30 minutes my MINI Service Advisor came and got me and took me back to his office and asked me to sit down. He then started to tell me about all the things that my car needs to have repaired:

Oxygen sensor, $569; Power Steering fan, $181; Front Brakes, $580; Control Arm Bushings, $789; Alignment (necessary after doing Control Arm Bushings) $195; Coolant Flush, $140; Fuel Injector Flush / Engine Decarb, $250; and lastly Air Conditioning Bomb, $125. You can see why he asked me to sit down!

All I got taken care of was the battery. The O2 sensor won’t kill the car, but just leave the Check Engine Soon light on forever. Power steering fan, not life or death (yet?). Front Brakes.. cost so much because on BMW’s you can’t just replace the pads, you gotta do the rotors too.. Control Arm Bushings.. not totally life or death, but will fuck with the camber which means uneven tire wear which means replacing tires more often. The rest is just fancy shmancy crap.

This car is ridiculous. At least they washed my car, which is a nice gesture after spending $250 to have a battery installed. Incidentally when they call the dealership MINI of North Scottsdale they really should emphasize the NORTH part. I felt like I was almost in Flagstaff it was so far north (ironically it isn’t even located in Scottsdale.. it is in Phoenix on Scottsdale Road just south of the Canadian border).

Trabajador Inmigrante

My day got even BETTER when I got home to discover that my apartment complex had hung a notice on my door informing me that they would be treating the landing outside my door tomorrow and that I would have to stay off of it from 7am to 3pm. sigh Then I step into my apartment to try and relax from my 5 hour trip to get coffee only to discover that it is 90º with the air conditioner blowing full blast. GROWL So I peak over my balcony to see if the compressor for my unit is spinning only to see a bunch of non-anglo, spanish-speaking individuals working in the vicinity with all sorts of wires exposed. Lovely, I say to myself, that they wait until ITS ONE HUNDRED FIVE DEGREES OUTSIDE to rewire the damn things.

After an hour of periodically checking on their progress from my perch I decided to check the mail and ask them how much longer they would be working on it, since it was KINDA WARM in my apartment (I was very cranky at this point in the day). I asked them and got three blank stares from them and one finally chimed in “I no speak English”. Wonderful. I contemplate calling the police since they’re probably un-documented workers but realize that if I did that I’d probably NOT have a functioning air conditioner so I should wait a day or two. Plus I’m not mad at them, I’m mad at the fucking genius that owns this complex and is converting it into condos while forgetting that his remaining tenants exist. So I’m going to go bitch to the apartment management tomorrow and see if I can get my last month free.

Spring 06 Grades

Not that everything lately has been bad! I got my grades in and I am proud to say that I am on the Deans Honor List! I earned two A’s, two A-’s and one B giving me a 3.67 GPA for the semester and a cumulative ASU GPA of 3.74! Yay me!

Camping in the woods with the boys was quite the fun time :)  I had a lot of fun giggling at the silly things the other guys did…

Monday night once we were all there and drinking enough we played Truth-or-Dare and I Never and other fun and crazy games.  I think at one point I made out with Jeremy as part of a dare.  I was also asked if Cookie and I were doing naughty things.  A lady never tells.  Tuesday we all climbed in to go on a hike, but as we got in the cars and drove down to the trailhead it started to rain.. Jeremy and I decided not to go hiking in the mountains in the 60º+rain weather.. Tranny hopped in the MINI and we all drove down to Sedona to the all you can eat buffet at.. wait for it… wait for it… KFC.  gag  Steven, all 98lb-twinky-gasian of him, ate like 8 pieces of chicken plus fixins.  I just sat in awe wondering where it all went.  Then we went to the hippy stores and looked at crystals and found out how to manipulate our chakras.

I ended up driving back into Sedona for dinner since the boys bought wieners to roast on the camp fire.. and I don’t eat wieners. That drive was the longest amount of time on the trip that Jeremy managed to stay awake in the car for.  I’ve decided that if he and I ever travel together, we won’t be taking ground transportation because he’ll just sleep the whole time and never see anything.

Sadly, no pictures from the trip as the camera is still in the shop

• TYGER
  Short film inspired by Blake’s Tyger
  (tags: animation video art movie motion film cool)

• TheStar.com - Why things end badly with asparagus
  Asparagusic acid?
  (tags: culinary food asparagus)

I am going camping from Monday to Wednesday, north of Sedona, AZ. With a bunch of gay guys who are afraid of bugs. And haven’t ever been camping. And didn’t realize that toilets don’t flush out in the wilderness. giggle

This should be REALLY interesting… …its too bad my camera is in the shop