I was in a haboob today!!

What is a haboob you ask??

Why it is a sand-storm!

(Image ninjad from azcentral.com)

I had a wonderful time in Kansas City over the weekend! I was mostly not sober the entire time which made it much easier for me to handle the KC Gay Pride festivities. Most of it is a haze so here is what I do remember:

Thursday, the night of my arrival, I had dinner with Will and Tim and had the better half of a pitcher of frozen peach margarita. After that I ended up at a bar called 810 with Patrick, Shawn and a few of Shawn’s co-workers. Beverages and appetizers flowed, resulting in the previous picture on this blog. Those, buy the way, are chicken cordon balls and a fried pickle. w00t. End Drunken Night #1.

Friday I was left all to my own evil devices since the boys had to work so the day was pretty calm. I woke up about noon and watched some TV, walked their lovable boxer Leroy and took some pictures. The fun started when the boys got off work and we headed down to the KC Pride Street Blast. I had to follow them around with some weird performers in the play that Shawn is directing through the Crossroads Arts District for the KC version of First Friday. There was a distinct lack of alcohol in my system for this which required remedy. Lance and I decided to break apart from the group to find an ATM machine which is quite difficult in the area of 19th and Main in Kansas City, MO. We obviously looked lost so some lovely drunken man named Willie offered to assist. Now here we are, two white homo’s being led to an ATM by a black man that looks cracked out, is missing half his teeth and is drinking malt-liquor from a generic looking soda-cup like you get at the gas station. BUT WE SURVIVED! Willie sang to us, which was QUITE awkward. We rejoined the rest of the homo-gays at the street “blast” once we were sure that we wouldn’t get mugged.

After careful consideration Shawn, Lance and I decided that it would be in our best interest to go to the Dixie Belle BEFORE they charged cover and have our cocktails at the bar. This turned out to be a good plan since drinking in public was one of those three line things where you show your ID and pay $5 for a wrist band, get in the next line to get your drink tickets, then get in the last line for the drinks. No thank you. So what ended up happening is we stayed in the DB all night long and missed the street thing entirely. Oops. Once we finally got to the point that we couldn’t stand any more we decided to head home. Apparently Shawn enjoyed himself so much that he doesn’t remember much of the evening. End Drunken Night #2.

Saturday, once we woke from the dead, we headed to Liberty Memorial park to take part in the festivities of the homo-gays. We were all suffering a bit from our shenanigans the night before (Shawn has a funny story about shenanigans, he should tell it some time). KC Pride is not as fun if you aren’t drinking on site. We stayed through the last performance of the evening, which was En Vogue. Before the lady divas came out on stage we listened to Eric Himan and Kim English. Eric is a gay singer/songwriter/performer and is as talented as he is tattooed and good looking. Kim English was completely out of touch with the crowd she was performing to because halfway through her set she started talking about how Jesus was the way to salvation. Wrong audience, bitch! No one knows who Kim English is anyway. We went back to Shawn and Patrick’s abode, and drank from the goodness that is Solichnya Vodka until we passed out. End Drunken Night #3.

Sunday, slept in, went to pride but THIS TIME we trunk-drunked and kept our booze in the trunk of Shawn’s car so that we didn’t have to do the ridiculous drinking scheme that I spoke about in the paragraphs above. Pride was much more enjoyable, sadly the only thing I remember from the daytime portion of it was Leroy (the aforementioned boxer that Shawn and Patrick adopted) peeing on some person as he was leaving the park. The evening portion of it was just fine, until Ru Paul came out on stage. I can quite safely say that her performance was a mess. 6 songs, two costume changes and she screwed up the words to her own songs, sounded like she was strung out and generally sucked. You know you’re a dried up has been when you end with the song that started your career (Supermodel). It was so bad that they actually piped the sound of applause through the sound system so that Ru Paul wouldn’t think she sucked as much as she did.

It is a sad day when Flo, KC’s Alpha-Drag Queen has a better entrance and better performance than a supposed star. Lance abandoned us to go play tonsil hockey with some cute Jewish boy and we left after Flo got off stage. Shawn and his co-workers talked me into going back out to the bars so we headed out. Tootsies is the lesbian bar that is usually the bar to go to on Sunday nights and as we got there we discovered that there was a $10 cover to get in, along with a line out the door. Being the cheap bastards that we are we went to the DB which had no cover charge. It was deserted. So we went to Shawns favorite bar tender and got a beverage which was all vodka and not good vodka either. Gross. After developing blindness from drinking that beverage Shawn and I ditch the straight couple we brought with us and snuck into Tootsies where we ran into a few people, had another beverage and soaked up the last night of crazy drunken people in the last throes of Gay Pride weekend. The highlight of the evening for me was seeing the cute red-headed hard-body that I’d been admiring all weekend long from afar have his pants pulled down enough to where I got a nice view. The carpet matched the curtains and Shawn and I toasted to that, finished off our drinks and headed back to the DB to fetch the straights and go home. We had to get Shawn some mexican food on the way home since he decided he was hungry. I got yelled at because I blew a fuse pushing in the cigarette lighter - it killed the lighter, horn and amplifier for the stereo. I didn’t mind because Shawn had put in Wicked - and I despise musicals, especially Wicked. End Drunken Night #4.

Monday I woke up and Shawn and I met Jason at Papa Keno’s for some super-delicious pizza and then headed to Sheridan’s where I partook of the sweet succulent custard that they make. Mmmmmmmm. After that Shawn and I hung out for a bit before heading north to the Airport. We stopped at Lance’s new digs which were almost located in Canada they were so far north. Then I went to the airport and flew home. The end.

I had a fabulous time! I didn’t get to see a few people, which made me sad but I will be back in KC again the first weekend of August as I help Cookie drive his car to Phoenix from Detroit. phew